x
centric
turn on the lights!/our eyes are tired
 
These last few weeks have been so wonderful.

My hectic heart is slightly slower - and yet still crazybusy, without question. I don't feel rushed, though, or like I'm struggling to keep up. A relief.

A large relief.

Days fly past faster than I can keep up. I wish I had more time to write, to reflect...but it's alright, really.

I don't quite recall what I did on the 30th. I know it must have involved work, and then...? I had planned on attending one of two potential shows, but I didn't make it to either one. And I can't remember what I did instead, for the life of me. I suppose that's what I get for letting this much time pass before writing...

On October 1st, I opened the store. I got there around 9am to open, and worked from 10am until 6pm. Then, I had an audition for the McMaster Thespian Club. THEN, I rushed to campus for a rehearsal I was supposed to be stage managing (for a class, actually). Like the only other rehearsal we had, only one of the two actors made it. Frustrating, but we worked around it. And it was a great rehearsal - we ended a couple hours early, at that.

On the 2nd, we had our first "full" run of Henry V. I memorized all of my lines while waiting for the bus. There aren't many, but still, haha. This play looks promising. Very, very promising.

I came home to an offer for the role of Adam in the Thespian Club's production of As You Like It.
Awesome.
Best kind of stress, I really mean it. :D

On the 3rd, I picked up the textbooks I had to raincheck. Also, I was talked into a rehearsal for one of my acting classes...terribly frustrating to rehearse when you haven't had time to memorize a single line, you have the most in the piece, AND you know you have to perform the next day. Aghhh.

I memorized all of my lines that night, surprisingly...and then remembered about half of them for the performance, hahaha. WHAT, I tried. At least my characterization was there, which is what really matters for the class. It went over well anyway, the others picked up for me a lot. Especially Lauren, that fabulous lady!

I worked that night (the 4th), which meant I had to miss Allison's birthday celebrations...fuck. Monica convinced me to get bubble tea with her, so I got to vent to her for a while. Then, I went to bed fairly early, compared to most other nights this whole month.

We got more bubble tea the next night (the 5th), hahaha. Spendspendspend. I gotta work on SAVING money...that shit's not cheap. Then we got pitas! I'm terrible, ha. When I finally got home, I almost opted out of writing an essay due the following day. I wrote it, though. I'm pretty sure it sucked. Ehhh. Wait...I'm a student? What?

I became ill as shit sometime in there...I handed in the essay on the 6th (as it was due that day), and immediately returned home to sleep off my illness. Effectively skipping both of my classes for the day, no less. Mike visited and rubbed my back for hours...hours. So nice. He ended up staying at my house for a long time that day/night. It was nice to spend time with him again.

distance - don't think
it really is better, it really is okay

it isn't the same,
minds just won't change

but there's nothing wrong with what is there
when you know what is, what isn't,
and know the distance between the two.


I worked the next night (the 7th). Missed another show, gosh. It's been a while since I've gone to one. Weird.

I wasn't able to go home that night, because I had to work the next day (a Saturday). SHITTY. I was crabby and sick-feeling, all day. Not so fun. My mom picked me up about half an hour after I got home, though, and brought Matthew with her. I bothered him with the kittycat, haha.

So I was able to go home...for about 24 hours, if that. Our garage was BARELY cluttered, compared to the state it has been in for...gosh, at least a few years now, anyway. The living room is still empty, so that's...still weird. Also, my father cut down a big tree in our front yard, and the giant one in the back yard too. I hate it. It all looks really dead now. Really bare. Really empty.

All of the thoughts running through my head - all of the comparisons and connections made - overwhelming. I tried not to think about it, or even look at it all, really.

Too much, too much...

I got to visit Michael and Diana that night. Diana's learning to crawl, and is making as much progress as Michael did - she knows how to crawl backwards, hahaha. Poor babygirl. She'll get it eventually. She had this ultimate look of I-could-either-start-laughing-like-crazy-or-start-bawling-so-be-carefulllllll on her face when I first got there. After a few minutes of playing with her, she was laughing like crazy. The simplest things I'd do would make her laugh sooo hard. I think she'll be a snorter...she kinda laughs with her mouth open a bit, and as soon as she makes more noise when she laughs, it'll totally be snorts. Hahaha. Best ever, if she does. Michael is hilarious, as per usual. I made him fly, ha. He still gives little headbutts...best kid ever.

Chris isn't occupying my bedroom any longer, so I got to sleep in my own room again, finally. Although, it took me forever to fall asleep. I wish my stereo wasn't magically broken a while ago...urgh. I can't sleep in silence all too easily anymore.

The next morning, I got to spend a lot of time with my little brother. We watched Life Is Beautiful together. I cried a bit. He watched from his computer chair; I was snuggled up in his bed. We joked a lot. So much fun.

Scott came over a short while later...hungover, hahaha. He joined us on a cauliflower excursion to another town (apparently there wasn't a single head of cauliflower to be found in my town, hahaha), and a quick run for some gut rot. Halfway along the ride back, my brother had to pull over so Scott to puke...I guess the gut rot became more literal than joking, HA. Poor Scottypants.

We spent some time downtown upon our return, and sat on a bench to talk. Chris and Wayne, Melissa and Kelly's parents, passed by. Weird, considering I had spent a few moments thinking about them the day before. Ah, strange-and-contemplative coincidences...well, anyway. Scott and I returned to my house and shared silly internet videos, and then his hangover got the best of him - he left shortly after that. I miss him already! I never see him enough.

My brother joined my dad in returning my bum to Hamilton that night. We went out for a quick, greasy dinner along the way. I bothered Matthew with Whiskey again, ha...he loves cats, I don't care what he says.

As I sat in front of my computer that night, I realized that my visit home felt like it didn't happen.

The next day (the 10th), rather than doing ANY schoolwork, I wasted the day. Mostly sitting around and wallowing in my illness, no less. Lemon-flavored-knockout-medicine-drinks are wonderful, though, ha...

The next day was a Tuesday...pretty much speaks for itself, ugh. I really wish I wouldn't be required to work on my deadliest day of the week, this term. Sucks. EVERY TIME.

The next day (the 12th) was lovely. So lovely. Despite the fact that I was still sick, it was raining...I took a very, very, very long bath (even beyond the notorious length of time that I usually take) and got very, very, very prettied up. Just because I could. I went to my night class, where the professor had forewarned that she would be absent due to a conference...or something. We were to watch films all night, and have a look at our tests from the week prior. We only have half of our marks for those (too ridiculously complicated to explain...and lame) but so far I'm at 100%. YESSS. The DVD player started to malfunction after the first screening segment, so we all left really darn early. Miranda made a nice comment about my eyeshadow that night. I walked home in the rain, and bought myself a pita along the way.

When I got home, Monica invited me to join her and Julie Ella at QQs. I obliged, of course. Graham + some friends came too, just as Julie Ella decided she had best head out. Laurel (one of Monica's housemates, actually) and I talked about music for a really long time. She went to M.I.A.'s show on the 26th! Julie Ella came back for a brief while (haha, we called it) and I wrote her a love letter, ha. Such a good night.

...So I got home at about 1am. Then, around 2am, I began writing a four page response paper...yep, due the next day. Almost backfired this time - I opened my notes and realized I only had one week's worth - the first week's notes. The next week I missed, the next was the night I didn't have my backpack, and the next I missed again...and I didn't even realize it until I opened my binder to start that friggin' paper. Scary. Also, I'm largely in debt to Noa, who saved my bum. Not only did she help me brainstorm ideas, but she volunteered to edit it for me. I told her, if I got an A, she'd be getting a big friggin' dinner for all her help.

The next night, in that class, we watched two things that really grabbed my attention. First, two sections of the Phoenix Tapes. Second, a short called Le Chapeau. Both were phenomenal for so many more reasons than I can conjur. Gosh. I felt...affected...for the first time in a long time by media. So good.

Then, after class, Lauren and I went over to the Phoenix together. She had suggested a Henry V cast outing for that night. A fair amount of people showed up, so that was awesome. I got really drunk really fast, as planned, hahaha. Cockett (professor directing the play) showed up, even though he has a fair distance to travel home. Although he says he doesn't do shots, I bought two and got him to do one with me. HA. Matt snapped a HILARIOUS picture of him. I remember a few of the other shots I did (with or without others, haha), I remember Matt buying me and a few others some drinks, and I remember Lauren and Laura buying a round of shots...but beyond that, I just remember having fun all night. Oh, I remember going out onto the porch at one point, and a random voice coming onto the speakers, reciting unusual poetry. Purely for humor's sake, I called out, "...Jesus?" A lot of people heard me and laughed, hahaha.

I happened to leave relatively early into the night. The bus home was PACKED, full of obnoxiously drunk youngins. Gross. I told the driver I had a lot of respect for him for "putting up with them all" just before I got off. He and some nearby not-as-young guys laughed.

Mike stopped by for a brief visit that night. I ranted drunkenly about movies. I probably didn't make much sense. I went to bed really rather soon afterward.

I had to open the store the next morning, so that sucked. It wasn't terrible, really, aside from being TERRIBLY FUCKING HUNGOVER. So yeah. I had a doctor's appointment shortly after 3pm, so I had to miss class (egh). That evening, I was still feeling ill, so I decided not to attend the SDF steering committee meeting...durn. I had a lot of fun that day/night, though, giggling with Alanna (and Meghan, when she'd take long study breaks) in front of the television. I had a really, really late bath before bed, mmm.

I had to be up early for rehearsal on Saturday, so again, I screwed myself over for proper sleep. It went from 10am until 3pm. Monica lost her voice, ha. I had so much fun - and, again, this production feels so promising.

Matt and I wandered around campus to kill time for a while after rehearsal. We chatted; he gave me some good suggestions. He's got my back, that boy. I like that he watches out for me.

At 4pm, we had our first readthrough for As You Like It. Graham and I spent most of it writing notes and whispering. Hilarious. We were done sometime before 7pm, and Graham and I headed over to Monica's house together. Her voice prompted much phone humor, haha. She and I went to QQs. They have pretty tasty spring rolls, mmm. I finished off her mega-spicy soup. THE MUSIC KEPT MATCHING THE MOOD OF WHATEVER I WOULD TALK ABOUT, aaahaha. We chatted and chatted, for so long...I thought it must've been beyond midnight (which usually happens, ha) but it was about 10:30. Ridiculous. My body was definitely ready for a big sleep.

When I got home, I noticed that Mike had messaged me, suggesting a visit. After I finally managed to get a hold of him, we decided to hangout. He told me a lot more about his little sister...gosh, she seems so adorable. TOO adorable. He came over relatively late, and stayed even later. I think I got about an hour of sleep that "night," agh. I suck.

...So I had to open the store on Sunday. UGH. So deadly. Not only did I miss another run of Henry V, but I was missing sleep, gragh. I got there around 10, and then Zach showed up around 10:30, thinking he had to open, hahaha. He worked on an essay, in the meantime. He bought me a slice of pizza later, which was beyond nice of him to do. I may have been crabby working with him (as I usually am, mainly due to lack of sleep), but it was nice to work with him that day. Despite wanting to pass out (and nearly doing so, several times,) I had a lot of fun.

I got home shortly after 5pm. Around 6pm, I decided to nap.
I woke up around 7:30 or so, and realized that napping was probably the WORST IDEA EVER.
I felt refreshed, but still. Never good in the long run.

I did a whole bunch of laundry, as I've been putting it off for a while now. I even cleaned my room - like, moved everything, dusted everything, reorganized everything - and then...I began compiling my portfolio for my stage management class, hahaha. GOSH. I'm terrible. I even took another notoriously long bath before bed. I felt so, SO rested by the time I got in my bed...not only did I have a freshly washed, dryer-sheet-scented bed, but I had burned some incense, and even sprayed a calming scent before climbing in. It would've been even better, though, had I actually gone to bed at a decent time. Ha, ridiculous.

So I woke up today after about six hours of sleep...not bad, really. I've only got one class on Mondays, so after being let out a touch early, Monica and her fellow TA Heather and I went to Quarters for lunch. Our waitress was returning with our bills and the second glass of water I requested, while I was re-enacting a bit of a humorous moment from Saturday's rehearsal. I was flailing my arms. Water wasn't spilled, but I definitely hit the waitress in the arm. I'm awesome. So I gave her a four-dollar-tip for my just-under-seven-dollar-meal.

Later today, Melissa and I FINALLY got to hangout again! It's been waaay too long. We chatted about boys and crushes and uncrushes and just generally everywhere that life has taken us lately. I miss that lady SO much.

Earlier this evening, Whiskey snuggled into my lap while I sat at my computer. I had my free hand rested on my lap, and in his sleep, he stretched his paw into my hand...we held hands while he napped! He also used my boob for a pillow, haha awww. He's been napping on my belly a lot lately, whenever I've made time to lounge in front of the television...so cute. Best cat evereverever.

I made bean and veggie-beef burritos for dinner tonight. I didn't eat much...I think the food at Quarters didn't wanna sit comfortably in my belly, pooh.

I've been dicking around on the internet for a while...and now, rather than going to bed early like I wanted to...I'm about to meet Monica.

At QQs.

Not for bubble tea, though. I want soup.

AWESOME. Awesome.
I am pure awesome.

I don't care how tired I am! Life is pretty damned amazing right now.

Now, off to continue appreciating how great it is...
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